HOW DO I….?

People are continuously asking me:

How do I......

-feel better about myself?
-get over this hurt and loneliness feeling?
-stop these insecure feelings?
-stop comparing myself to others?
-find a healthy balance in my life?
-stop over eating?
-find happiness in my relationship?
-find a perfect partner?
-find a desire to move forward?
-stop old memories from ruining my present life?
-be a better person?
-fit into the 'normal' mold expected of me?
-stop worrying?
-see life through a glass half full as opposed to half empty?
-find sexual joy with my partner again?
-stop my partners addictions?

I can go on and on with the 'how do I's' in life.

I cannot do the walk for you, but I sure can help you draw out your map. In my own life and experiences of the 'How Do I's', I have worked very hard at finding answers to all of these weights that pull us down every day.

Life is life...we are all born with similar tools and we are all given a fairly good start.

What we do with our lives is really our own choices...our choices are up to us....we choose which directions to travel in our map of life.

Yes...it is that simple.

So there you have it....basically where you are right now in your mind is where you have chosen to be.

Some will say...pills are needed...therapy is needed....hmmmm!

Pills lead into more pills and in the end only succeed in clouding ones mind of the reality they need to find a certain clarity.

Therapy seems to also lead into nothing but more therapy and confusion in more cases than not. Oh, then we also have that unjustified cost attached to the time involved.

These so called cures would be more helpful if they were used as a temporary support, not as a new way of life, which unfortunately happens to most that take either route to happiness.
An addiction or even a dependency is what ends up evolving.

So what are you left with?

You are left with your own mind and your own choices. It always comes down to one person at the end of the day.

When you are falling asleep, the only person in control of your thoughts is YOU.

When you wake up in the morning, the only person in control of your thoughts is YOU.

You determine which way to think.
You determine what you feel.
You are the only person responsible for how you feel.
You know that happy is so much better and full-filling than sad.
You determine what words will be allowed to remain in your thoughts.
You are the key to your self-esteem and self-worth being healthy.

When it starts to rain, you know enough to get an umbrella to stay dry.
When you feel cold, you reach for a sweater to stay warm.
When a noise is hurting your ears, you turn it down.
When you see someone crying or hurting, you have immediate positive advice for comforting them.
When you feel sick, you call in to cancel your plans, whether it be work, school or a social outing.
Now with all of these situations, you have no problem taking responsibility of choosing the right thoughts or actions.

So why is it that we....

- fall into very bad habits of taking the hard way around?
- hold onto hurt and pain?
- want to hang onto the victim roles?
- allow our negative thoughts override our positive thoughts?
- allow what others think of us matter more than what we think of ourselves?
-preoccupy so much of our very limited time allowing sadness and memories determine our day?
-work harder at staying down then getting back up?
-sign up for all the pity parties we can find?
-look to blame anyone else for our shortcomings or downfalls?

The toughest step in reaching that happier more balanced you is to truly accept the fact that it is YOU that is the key.
Once you can actually conceive this fact, then you will be able to use your mind and your choices to move forward.

We have already determined and agreed that:

-you know whats right from wrong.
-you know how to think.
-you can react positively when necessary.
-you can choose your thoughts to determine your feelings.

So what are you waiting for now.

You have the answer..it is YOU.

It is not your partner, your parents, your children and most certainly not the media that determines your happiness and self-acceptance.

It is YOU!!!!
This is the first day in the mind of YOU!
The YOU that will make the positive choices of thought.
The YOU that will not allow the past or negative remarks determine how your day will be.
This is the first day in the mind of YOU.
You can accomplish your own happiness, if you choose to!

These are my thoughts and my words.

I choose to share them with you!

~D~

~You Are Beautiful~

You are Beautiful...yes you are...the minute you can say it, believe it and live it...is the minute you have taken back your identity and found self-love and self-acceptance~

The video below is about how one woman,' Caitlin Boyle' decided to take control of her negative talk that so many of us experience from time to time which keeps us in that rut which disables our ability to see our own unique beauty~

More interesting is that she decided to pay it forward and use post it notes to reach out and connect with women all over the world~

Click on..~Post it notes, help make women feel beautiful~

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

~D~

Faking an Orgasm..should you?

Is there something wrong with a woman that has not experienced an orgasm?

These are a couple of questions that I have been getting asked more and more, so I thought why not address them through my articles? As much as I have written this for my ladies, men you can benefit from reading this little bit of info also!

There is nothing physically wrong with women that have not experienced the big O! They simply just have not learned how. It is very much a mental exercise as well as physical. Way back when..., we were taught that it was a bad thing to touch ourselves (masturbate). That was a big wrong turn for a lot of women. I have read a lot of letters from women that tell me that they were in their late 20`s before they ever experienced an orgasm, one that they would consider an orgasm anyway. This is why I express over and over, ladies learn about YOUR BODY! Orgasms are very connected to ones mind when dealing with the female. If you are worried or tired or feeling a bit at odds with your partner, that door is definitely going to be locked, even nailed shut. It will take some work and patience to find the key to open up that mind trap.

Too many women spend way too much time worrying about orgasms. Worry only puts up the walls that will totally disable your mind to relax and float. Think of watching and waiting for water to boil. By the time it has boiled you have lost interest. Or when you are trying to call someone and the line is forever busy, that just frustrates you to no end. If you would have just carried on with something else at the time, the water would have boiled before you knew it, the phone line would be cleared, and you would be frustration free! Orgasms work in very much the same way. Do not think about them. Do prepare for them, feel your body call them, desire them, fantasize, open your mind up to a total zone of passion. Pure thoughtless passion!

Some women feel that if they do not orgasm, their partner will feel that they have failed them, or vice verse. (GUILT) There is absolutely no room for guilt or shyness in the arena of sex! This is one of the reasons women FAKE the O! It does not do any real physical harm to fake most things in life. The only one that is losing out though, is you. You are fooling no one but yourself. Then you end up feeling even worse because you pretended at a time when you should be open and real.....................................>

~D~

Sitting behind the bars of a food addiction~

There are not too many of us that do not want or think we need to lose a pound here and there. For many it is more a matter of firming it up and that is usually done with exercise. But for the people that are carrying weight around with them that is threatening their ability to walk, run, get in and out of a car, a chair at an office building or even breathe...this is a serious issue. My article is more about the need to understand yourself a bit more and to identify with why you have fallen into this addiction for food. Realize how it is destroying your self-esteem and confidence.

**I have had a weight problem all my life. But I think it is more of a pleasure problem. I think it is also a self-esteem issue. Food was always a reward in a way..like if you eat all your dinner you can have desert. Food was and still is a way of socializing ... holidays.. going out to eat.. birthdays ect. Even as a baby I am sure that I was given food instead instead of personal affection. If my partner fails to support my diet, then it is all his fault that I have failed. If my friends don't respect that I am on a diet, how can I follow it through?**

Is this you...can you fit in this thought at any time or even partially?.........

~D~

How to..Understand low self-esteem

We absorb a lot of insightful words from many different sources telling sufferers of low self-esteem how to overcome their negative thoughts through positive thoughts. This is all very well and good, except we seem to be overlooking how to help the people whom are involved with the sufferers. How do they understand what really is behind the feelings of low self-esteem and just how much it does trap a persons mind in a state of paralysis and fear of loneliness, even abandonment in some cases.
I have written this article in hopes to increase awareness and to inform the partners and family members that are involved with a person who is suffering from low self-esteem.
I have had many requests for this type of information which is a good thing. It shows that there is more support and genuine people out there working to help others find a happy place. It also tells me that all of the information available today is not being read by closed minds nor is it going unwarranted.

I am going to refer to the sufferer of low self-esteem as the receiver and the involved party, as the giver.
The giver will be able to recognize many of the following symptoms and actions as will the receiver.

Low self -esteem ..........

~D~

.Labiaplasty..Vagina of Perfection

I am sure most of you have read or heard somewhere about one of the fastest rising choices in cosmetic surgeries happening in today's world of body-image .
One being Vaginal Cosmetic Surgery (Labiaplasty) ..according to stats..there has been an estimated 30% increase since 2005. More women each year are choosing to have their labia cut and sculpted like a piece of modeling clay. They are also signing up fast and furious to have it stitched up to reduce looseness and size through what is labeled, 'Vaginal Rejuvenation'. The age groups range anywhere from 15-late 20's.

So do tell me people....where is this need to be perfect going to stop?

Self-esteem...self-acceptance....being accepted... money... popularity.... vanity.....just because I can....it is the latest fashion.....porn....prostitution....ect.

These are just a few of the reasons as to the why's of this type of cosmetic surgery, which do not differ from any other.

Just so that I am not seeming to be gender specific on the topic of drastic measures to be the 'perfect person'....I will say that women are not alone in this need to 'better themselves' trap. There are many men right there next to them. These men are constantly searching for longevity fixes (staying power), surgeries to extend their penis, pectoral glands, hair implants, ect......

~D~

The ugliness of Low self confidence~

How fine life would be if we all felt like a million dollars 24 hours a day,7 days a week! We would never, ever feeling like we have woken up in a pit, full of self confidence lows, having the energy to just jump out of bed and meet the day with loads of enthusiasm and knowing that we are going to get through the day without worries of any kind. The sun will shine all day, with just enough breeze to keep our bodies cool. Life is good, oh so good.

NOT if you are a person imprisoned by low self confidence, it so is not. Low self confidence is a very nasty characteristic to have inside us. It makes us feel weak. It makes us lose faith in our actions and dreams. It can even stop us from going forward in our lives with relationships. It allows so many ugly negative thoughts to take hold of our minds. Some will even try to escape this gripping emotion through the comfort they feel in their eating patterns. Some begin to trust the emotion that creates mistrust, in order to derail their thinking, only setting them up for a history of jealous explosions.

We begin to act selfish, constantly thinking that every action made is directed at us in some negative way or that we are the butt end of the joke when we see people laughing and happen to be looking our way. We feel that we are being compared with others. We feel we cannot ever do anything right. We see negative in every word that is said about us. We want to share our pain and loneliness, so that everyone around us can feel equally sad. We become habitual riders on the roller coaster of self-pity. We want to be the only person in the world with any good qualities. We want our partners to see only us and desire only us. We want our partners to only have fun when we are around them. We do not allow ourselves to have fun because we are allowing our selfish habit of low confidence to stand in our way. Notice all the WE`s in this paragraph.........

~D~