Friday, December 3, 2010
Thursday, October 21, 2010
How do I......
-feel better about myself?
-get over this hurt and loneliness feeling?
-stop these insecure feelings?
-stop comparing myself to others?
-find a healthy balance in my life?
-stop over eating?
-find happiness in my relationship?
-find a perfect partner?
-find a desire to move forward?
-stop old memories from ruining my present life?
-be a better person?
-fit into the 'normal' mold expected of me?
-see life through a glass half full as opposed to half empty?
-find sexual joy with my partner again?
-stop my partners addictions?
I can go on and on with the 'how do I's' in life.
I cannot do the walk for you, but I sure can help you draw out your map. In my own life and experiences of the 'How Do I's', I have worked very hard at finding answers to all of these weights that pull us down every day.
Life is life...we are all born with similar tools and we are all given a fairly good start.
What we do with our lives is really our own choices...our choices are up to us....we choose which directions to travel in our map of life.
Yes...it is that simple.
So there you have it....basically where you are right now in your mind is where you have chosen to be.
Some will say...pills are needed...therapy is needed....hmmmm!
Pills lead into more pills and in the end only succeed in clouding ones mind of the reality they need to find a certain clarity.
Therapy seems to also lead into nothing but more therapy and confusion in more cases than not. Oh, then we also have that unjustified cost attached to the time involved.
These so called cures would be more helpful if they were used as a temporary support, not as a new way of life, which unfortunately happens to most that take either route to happiness.
An addiction or even a dependency is what ends up evolving.
So what are you left with?
You are left with your own mind and your own choices. It always comes down to one person at the end of the day.
When you are falling asleep, the only person in control of your thoughts is YOU.
When you wake up in the morning, the only person in control of your thoughts is YOU.
You determine which way to think.
You determine what you feel.
You are the only person responsible for how you feel.
You know that happy is so much better and full-filling than sad.
You determine what words will be allowed to remain in your thoughts.
You are the key to your self-esteem and self-worth being healthy.
When it starts to rain, you know enough to get an umbrella to stay dry.
When you feel cold, you reach for a sweater to stay warm.
When a noise is hurting your ears, you turn it down.
When you see someone crying or hurting, you have immediate positive advice for comforting them.
When you feel sick, you call in to cancel your plans, whether it be work, school or a social outing.
Now with all of these situations, you have no problem taking responsibility of choosing the right thoughts or actions.
So why is it that we....
- fall into very bad habits of taking the hard way around?
- hold onto hurt and pain?
- want to hang onto the victim roles?
- allow our negative thoughts override our positive thoughts?
- allow what others think of us matter more than what we think of ourselves?
-preoccupy so much of our very limited time allowing sadness and memories determine our day?
-work harder at staying down then getting back up?
-sign up for all the pity parties we can find?
-look to blame anyone else for our shortcomings or downfalls?
The toughest step in reaching that happier more balanced you is to truly accept the fact that it is YOU that is the key.
Once you can actually conceive this fact, then you will be able to use your mind and your choices to move forward.
We have already determined and agreed that:
-you know whats right from wrong.
-you know how to think.
-you can react positively when necessary.
-you can choose your thoughts to determine your feelings.
So what are you waiting for now.
You have the answer..it is YOU.
It is not your partner, your parents, your children and most certainly not the media that determines your happiness and self-acceptance.
It is YOU!!!!
This is the first day in the mind of YOU!
The YOU that will make the positive choices of thought.
The YOU that will not allow the past or negative remarks determine how your day will be.
This is the first day in the mind of YOU.
You can accomplish your own happiness, if you choose to!
Friday, August 6, 2010
The video below is about how one woman,' Caitlin Boyle' decided to take control of her negative talk that so many of us experience from time to time which keeps us in that rut which disables our ability to see our own unique beauty~
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
These are a couple of questions that I have been getting asked more and more, so I thought why not address them through my articles? As much as I have written this for my ladies, men you can benefit from reading this little bit of info also!
There is nothing physically wrong with women that have not experienced the big O! They simply just have not learned how. It is very much a mental exercise as well as physical. Way back when..., we were taught that it was a bad thing to touch ourselves (masturbate). That was a big wrong turn for a lot of women. I have read a lot of letters from women that tell me that they were in their late 20`s before they ever experienced an orgasm, one that they would consider an orgasm anyway. This is why I express over and over, ladies learn about YOUR BODY! Orgasms are very connected to ones mind when dealing with the female. If you are worried or tired or feeling a bit at odds with your partner, that door is definitely going to be locked, even nailed shut. It will take some work and patience to find the key to open up that mind trap.
Too many women spend way too much time worrying about orgasms. Worry only puts up the walls that will totally disable your mind to relax and float. Think of watching and waiting for water to boil. By the time it has boiled you have lost interest. Or when you are trying to call someone and the line is forever busy, that just frustrates you to no end. If you would have just carried on with something else at the time, the water would have boiled before you knew it, the phone line would be cleared, and you would be frustration free! Orgasms work in very much the same way. Do not think about them. Do prepare for them, feel your body call them, desire them, fantasize, open your mind up to a total zone of passion. Pure thoughtless passion!
Some women feel that if they do not orgasm, their partner will feel that they have failed them, or vice verse. (GUILT) There is absolutely no room for guilt or shyness in the arena of sex! This is one of the reasons women FAKE the O! It does not do any real physical harm to fake most things in life. The only one that is losing out though, is you. You are fooling no one but yourself. Then you end up feeling even worse because you pretended at a time when you should be open and real.....................................>
**I have had a weight problem all my life. But I think it is more of a pleasure problem. I think it is also a self-esteem issue. Food was always a reward in a way..like if you eat all your dinner you can have desert. Food was and still is a way of socializing ... holidays.. going out to eat.. birthdays ect. Even as a baby I am sure that I was given food instead instead of personal affection. If my partner fails to support my diet, then it is all his fault that I have failed. If my friends don't respect that I am on a diet, how can I follow it through?**
Is this you...can you fit in this thought at any time or even partially?.........
I have written this article in hopes to increase awareness and to inform the partners and family members that are involved with a person who is suffering from low self-esteem.
I have had many requests for this type of information which is a good thing. It shows that there is more support and genuine people out there working to help others find a happy place. It also tells me that all of the information available today is not being read by closed minds nor is it going unwarranted.
I am going to refer to the sufferer of low self-esteem as the receiver and the involved party, as the giver.
The giver will be able to recognize many of the following symptoms and actions as will the receiver.
Low self -esteem ..........
I am sure most of you have read or heard somewhere about one of the fastest rising choices in cosmetic surgeries happening in today's world of body-image .
One being Vaginal Cosmetic Surgery (Labiaplasty) ..according to stats..there has been an estimated 30% increase since 2005. More women each year are choosing to have their labia cut and sculpted like a piece of modeling clay. They are also signing up fast and furious to have it stitched up to reduce looseness and size through what is labeled, 'Vaginal Rejuvenation'. The age groups range anywhere from 15-late 20's.
So do tell me people....where is this need to be perfect going to stop?
Self-esteem...self-acceptance....being accepted... money... popularity.... vanity.....just because I can....it is the latest fashion.....porn....prostitution....ect.
These are just a few of the reasons as to the why's of this type of cosmetic surgery, which do not differ from any other.
Just so that I am not seeming to be gender specific on the topic of drastic measures to be the 'perfect person'....I will say that women are not alone in this need to 'better themselves' trap. There are many men right there next to them. These men are constantly searching for longevity fixes (staying power), surgeries to extend their penis, pectoral glands, hair implants, ect......
NOT if you are a person imprisoned by low self confidence, it so is not. Low self confidence is a very nasty characteristic to have inside us. It makes us feel weak. It makes us lose faith in our actions and dreams. It can even stop us from going forward in our lives with relationships. It allows so many ugly negative thoughts to take hold of our minds. Some will even try to escape this gripping emotion through the comfort they feel in their eating patterns. Some begin to trust the emotion that creates mistrust, in order to derail their thinking, only setting them up for a history of jealous explosions.
We begin to act selfish, constantly thinking that every action made is directed at us in some negative way or that we are the butt end of the joke when we see people laughing and happen to be looking our way. We feel that we are being compared with others. We feel we cannot ever do anything right. We see negative in every word that is said about us. We want to share our pain and loneliness, so that everyone around us can feel equally sad. We become habitual riders on the roller coaster of self-pity. We want to be the only person in the world with any good qualities. We want our partners to see only us and desire only us. We want our partners to only have fun when we are around them. We do not allow ourselves to have fun because we are allowing our selfish habit of low confidence to stand in our way. Notice all the WE`s in this paragraph.........
There are so many reasons for ones self-esteem to be weak and hard to rebuild. We have our parents way of raising us, peer pressure at school, pressures at our work place that expect us to succeed with speed of light, society`s view on the perfect person and body type, our children's expectations of a perfect parent and last but not least our partners wants and desires.
All of these are strong contributors in knocking our self-esteem around until we can barely find a hope to hang onto. Now we are at the bottom of our pit of weakness and we begin the search to survive. The search may be through a therapist, reading tons of articles or books, searching the Internet for a site that will answer all our problems in a heart beat, only to find that we are right back at square one in the first challenge to our strength.
Why is that? Why can we not find that quick fix we all look for? Why do we have to work at it? Why do we have to wait for it? Why is it not as simple as fixing ones computer or car? Why is it when I think about my past and I fill in the blanks with all the people that I have to blame for my low self-esteem, I am still weak and frustrated? Why is it when I have one good day and feel on top of the world, does it come crashing down the next? Why is it that when I read self-esteem articles they sound so convincing at that minute, but then again, I fall back into my rut? Why, when I go into self-esteem sites, do they charge for e-books and when I finally read them, they sound like everything else that I have read, or have thought of myself? Why does low self-esteem not happen to everyone? Why can`t I just wake up and feel good about myself?
I have a real hard truth for you. The answer to almost every question that you have just read is YOU! You are the answer to every thought that runs through your mind. The reason that so many factors can be contributors to ones low self-esteem, is because YOU have learned to allow it. Some where in your life, somehow, you allowed your self-esteem to be put down and it really is as simple as that.
We all know that to be human is to naturally error at some point, even many points in our lives. This will also explain why a select number have fallen into the pit of low self-esteem. Everyone chooses different errors, so for the many of us that have allowed our self-esteem to be weakened we are now faced with how to strengthen it.
Again I go back to YOU, it is up to you. I can write 1000 articles and even build you a bridge with lights and arrows and signs to show you the way, but if YOU do not take that first step, then YOU will never find the answers. In order for you to battle all of the contributors that I have mentioned earlier, you need to strengthen your self-worth. You must know and feel that you are just as good as any other human being on this earth. I do not care what others may say about you or to you. If you know deep inside of you that you are their equal, then nothing they say can or ever will hurt your self-esteem.We have all had to bear the scars that we received through our lives, and we all have to learn to put them in the past. What was, is exactly that; past tense, gone. There is really nothing that we can do to change where we came from or what our challenges have been. What we need to focus on is right here and right now. This being the present YOU!
There are websites out there and many therapist that are selling you promises of quick fixes for cash. There are tons of books and e-books, all telling you how to create a new you. Just by the amount of women coming into my site, I can tell that none of these are working for them. Again the reason is YOU!
I can buy you the most expensive car in the world, but unless you can drive it, it is worthless to you. So learn to drive it, learn to rebuild your self-esteem. Do not wait for someone to offer you a gift. You have already been given that gift at birth. I have spoken of the gift of life and how so many of us abuse that gift. Allowing contributors to stomp on your thoughts of who you are is a total neglect to your gift of life.
Your self-esteem has taken a long time to fall weak. It does not happen over night. A heart attack rarely happens overnight. There are many contributing factors that set it up for the initial attack. Once a person has survived a heart attack, they have to work very hard and it takes a long time to rehab back to health and maybe, if they are lucky enough, they will reach half of their actual strength. Your self-esteem will take time and energy to rebuild. You must commit to yourself that you will work very hard to maintain a good feeling about YOU!
It is not hard, but it does take persistence and self discipline. If you do not care about yourself, then you will fail every time. That is a fact.
If you honestly want to find that good feeling about you again, then you can get back there. I say back there, because we were all happy when we were first born and somewhere along that life line, we lost our feeling of goodness. Being lost is a good thing because it means that it is not totally gone, just misplaced.
So together we can find that YOU that was so secure and safe just being YOU. Once you have reached that commitment then you will start to fall in love with yourself again.
You will look for and appreciate all of the little things that make you who you are, such as:
-the color of your hair and eyes -the shape of your ears, and your nose -the way your smile shows your teeth -the laugh lines that only you have when you smile -the birth mark that no one else has -the way you walk -the sound of your voice -your own very personnel laugh -how you feel when someone hugs you -how you smell -your little personality quirks but most of all - how you feel about you. This positive feeling will give you an internal glow of confidence!
These are things that make you special and set you apart from all the other people in the world. People that are no better than you. Different yes, better? Not a chance, unless of course you ALLOW yourself to think that way.
Just because you cannot control or fix everything around you, it has no bearing on who you are and how you feel about yourself unless you ALLOW it to.
Just because somewhere way back in your past, someone told you that you were not as good as someone else, does not mean you are not. It only means that, if you ALLOW it to mean that.
Just because your boss thinks that you should be farther up that corporate ladder, it does not make you a lesser person unless you ALLOW it to.
Just because there are younger, thinner, more educated, richer, taller, or even double jointed people out there, that does not make you less than them, unless you ALLOW it to.
Just because you might be having a bad day does not mean that you have to make it 2 bad days, unless you ALLOW it to.
Just because you spend hundreds of dollars trying to find quick self-esteem fixes and fail, this does not mean you should give up unless of course you ALLOW yourself too.
Can you see a pattern here yet?
Can you see how YOU are the operative factor here?
Can you see how YOU alone are in control of what and who you ALLOW into your thought control?
Q: What is your Body Image on a scale of 1-10?
Q: How much time do you spend on improving your body image?
A: As much time as I can.
Q: How often do you worry about the battle of the perfect body?
A: Whenever I see another women I feel threatened by.
Q: What is your idea of a perfect body?
A: Someone tall, thin with good proportions. (not too big breasts, firm butt)
Q: How badly do you want to fit in?
A: So badly that I would have cosmetic
Q: How do you picture yourself?
A: Boring, not attractive by society`s standards. Definitely overweight.
Q: How do you feel being in your body?
A: I feel good being me until I see someone out there that I would much rather be.
Q: How do you think others see you?
A: They see me as I see myself.
Q: Do you want to look like Society's picture of the ideal body?
A: Yes, who wouldn't?
Hmmmm, do you feel this way about your body image?
Why are so many women in today's world so confused at how they should feel? Where have we lost our desires and contentedness in just being who we are? Why do we go over the line in our need to be perfect at what we do or how we look? The answers to these questions can be many.
Lets start with pornography, and media's idea of that perfect body image. These are two of the strongest body image addictions off our world and they both focus on the female body.
Pornography is giving the illusion of being desired, of importance and of acceptance; all of the wrong attention a women should desire. It Leaves them feeling used and worthless. When did we as women lose our control in how we see our bodies? When did we begin to hate our bodies to the point of paying huge amounts of dollars to cosmetic surgeons? With all the freedoms of our world today in our society, why do we allow ourselves to be slaves to this myth that only beauty can determine our self-worth? Still so many questions and so few answers.
Women are starving themselves and their children. They are bouncing from diet to diet, practicing gorging and purging. They are becoming even more obsessed with getting rid of what makes them a female by nature, their voluptuous bodies with it's curves and suppleness. Are we dieting ourselves literally to death? The phrase of , "Dieing to fit in" comes to mind. As I mentioned in the beginning of this paragraph, children are being starved. Yes our own negative body image is corrupting our children's ideas of what body image is all about. Our children do not even have a chance to overpower what we ourselves have allowed to control us. They will only know what they are taught. They will be bred into "the world of fashion" and "to be thin is in". Do we want our children to grow up in the miserable prison of low self-worth that we are battling with even now? I think not.
In a recent poll by People Magazine, it is said that 80% of women stated that women on television, and magazines ads make them feel very insecure about their body image. It is also said that approx. 10% of females (all ages) in the USA are suffering from a diagnosed eating disorder ranging from, body isomorphic, anorexia nervosa, bulimia nervosa, and another very horrible illness know as severe depression. Lets not forget that these illnesses lead to death for many of the victims.
A very sad picture, is what I am seeing. I have mentioned so many times in my articles that our world today has turned into a money sucking machine. Money is so the root of all evil! We are told that if we want to be the perfect body image, we have to look like this or walk like that. Grrrr. Makes me crazy.
When are we, as women, going to wake up and stop allowing someone that has never met us, to dictate to us what we should look like to feel better?When are we going to say no to the world that is working over time to sell, sell, sell? They are selling us, right down the river. We are buying into their game and they are winning. Every where we look our minds are brainwashed with images of the perfect body . How are we ever going to overpower this corruption of our minds? Every time I read a woman's desperate cries regarding how depressed she is because she feels that her husband is comparing her to a perfect body image, all I can feel is that again we are losing the battle. Women continue to fall victim to the lies and misinterpretations of what real beauty is. We must end this world of total bogus idealism's and do our own thinking.
Let us get back to basics. The basics of just being a unique person. The basics of feeling good about who we are no matter what others think. The basics of just striving to be healthy. The basics of knowing that we are all here for a reason, and that alone makes us a very important person. A persons external beauty will never outlast their inner beauty. Our external body image will fall and age. It is what's inside of us that will continue to grow and live life as it is meant to be lived. Life is there for us to enjoy. No one else on earth can be you! You are a very special individual. Your lips are yours and no one else's. Your hips are also yours and no one else has them. You are your very own body image!
You are a beautiful woman and you can feel good about you, if you would just start to understand that all the hype about the perfect body image is just that, Hype, to sell. Hype to take our money and fool us into believing what they want us to believe. It is pure garbage! So every time you see these so called perfect body images, smile and say, "Yes, but I am the real one and there is no one like me, there are thousands like you". Save your worries and your money and say NO to the media and its so called 'perfect body image'. Say YES to holding your head up high and walking with confidence. A confidence that will raise your self-esteem to its highest peaks. A confidence that will reveal a whole new sexual you. Ladies every time we do not feel good about our bodies, we are denying ourselves the freedom of dance, the taste of good food, and the ability to be a free spirit. To live, laugh and love. How can we do any of that when we waste so much of our time on earth worrying about our body image?
So lets change the world that we live in and remember, There is strength in numbers. We just have to walk the walk!
I have a few questions that will most definitely stir up some deep inner thoughts! They will also give you an idea of just how controlling your relationship is or could be. No one likes to be in a relationship where they feel controlled by their partner, it is very unhealthy and usually ends up being very unhappy. There truly is a fine line between love and hate when there is a controlling partner in the relationship. The only person that we have any right to control is ourselves!
Life is too short to settle for anything especially when it comes to relationships. There is way to much to risk when it comes to matters of the heart. For warned is for armed...I have always believed that fact to be very true. Relationships are one of the most valued parts of our lives and we invest a lot of our minds and souls into them. So why would you not want to be 100% prepared before you take that initial step into waters that could be so treacherous and overwhelming?
How many people fall for another instantly because of looks or a social atmosphere at the time? Too many. So to have a list of questions to ponder will not only awaken what is going on in your relationship right now, but they will also be very effective in preparing you for what you should not ignore or settle with in your future relationships.
These questions are designed to challenge your.......